Yes! It's with a heavy heart that i announce to the world, that finally the time has come for me to move away from my family of 32 years.
In the western civilization, this event would not have drawn much attention, leave alone a lot a of publicity (negative, if i may say so!). Back there in the western culture, a young man of 18-20 years is looked down upon if he were still to continue staying with his parents. 'Momma's boy', most would call him without batting an eye-lid! Whereas on the other side of the world, namely India, a man would generally end up spending the rest of his life with his parents. Slowly he takes over the mantle of head of the family, as his parents get old. He'd probably marry off his children and get old himself, but he continues the age old Indian tradition of 'living-with-parents'. Living 'seperately' is still considered a taboo matter to discuss! Young daughter-in-laws who marry into the family, are accused of 'dividing' the family if she were caught even thinking about this topic, leave alone expressing her X-generation laced 'independent' thoughts.
I, for one, am of the thought that the parents should let go of their children from under their protective wings. Let them fly, when they are ready. Let them create their own personality, own identity. So what if their beloved children face obstacles while trying to set up their own families? Sure they will stumble, but with all the valuable lessons you have taught them, it won't be long before they get up again and continue this journey. Parents must have confidence in their own blood! After all, they are always there, if things don't exactly go according to their children's brave plans.
I think the time has come for our generation to break free from the shackles of this kind of stereotyped thinking. Sure a lot of elders would disagree on the pretex of preserving 'Cultural Values', 'Family traditions' et al. They are right in their own way, of course. I am not against the idea of living in a joint family like the proverbial family man, discussed in the above sentences. What i merely want to point out is, when there's a difference in opinion between any two of the family members, and despite the best efforts of both the parties to come to a conclusion peacefully, i think the time then has come, sadly, to find a way to keep both of them from coming into each other's way and cause more friction. Simply that! And yes, this may look very simple to the reader, but i am sure, given the Indian Family living conditions, he may show some understanding here. After all, who does not wish for peace of mind? And to what extent does one have the capacity to take it all?? One or the other day, the dam will burst open and take down everything in its swell.
Well, so much for getting sentimental. I am in no way justifying my decision here. I merely am telling you all what my thoughts are at this troubled moment. Much to the contrary of what many elders may think, this has got nothing to do with my wife. It's ME all the way.
Moving away is not that easy. You will have to plan about so many things. So many important things i.e. The financial feasibility, security for the family, surrounding atmosphere of the new dwelling, neighbors, proximity of grocery and convenience stores, proximity to your near and dear ones, transport facility, etc are just mere drops in ocean. Plans for many unforeseen events that might catch you unprepared, take the rest of your 'worrying' time.
The most worrying factor is the social stigma. Suddenly, you are seen in a different light. 'Ah, after all his parents have done for him, he pays them back with this...' becomes the headline news every other morning! Some would even boycott you altogether! The shame of it!! I can say this with confidence as i had witnessed the same treatement being meted out to one poor fellow among my relatives.
I am not scared of the above as i already have come to terms with the ways of society. The more quickly you 'accept' things, the more energy you can funnel towards other constructive things in life.
For me, moving away from the family - mutually, mind you - is only a mere inconvenience which can be repaired with time. After all, time is the greatest healer. So any hurt feelings, like everything else in life, are temporary and will be soothed. I treat this as nothing more than the 'physical-distance' between the two families. I am sure, even arrogantly confident, that everything else, the ties, the bonds, the love, the care......WILL always remain the same.
Of course, opinions differ! And so, my brother thinks otherwise. But i assure him too. He says he has nothing more to add to this and he'll go with my decision.
So here i am amigos, all set to embark on this journey. A journey, not without obstacles, but also not without any lack of willpower, confidence and a dogged sense of purpose.
I sign off, not sure when i'd be back to blogging with y'all. I leave you with a beautiful quote :
"It seldom happens that a man changes his life through his habitual reasoning. No matter how fully he may sense the new plans and aims revealed to him by reason, he continues to plod along in old paths until his life becomes frustrating and unbearable, he finally makes the change only when his usual life can no longer be tolerated." ---Leo Tolstoy
